The ‘N’ Word

The ā€˜Nā€™ word

 

Have you ever sat in a circle where the perimeter is made up of rape victims?

Awkwardly trying not to make eye contact, so that they don’t see too much of me

Have you ever heard women try to sadly recreate the night, the morning, the day that it all happened?

Have you ever understood those feelings, leaking through the hole in their face?

Or hearing a baby cry in the background, having the mother turn to remind her it’s the product of rape

 

I can’t say I understand all those emotions sinking to the lowest point of my gut

But I can feel his hands sliding over my lips to stop my screams

To stop my NO

I can taste his lips laying heavy on top of mine cutting my words at their roots

He penetrated and stripped me

He penetrated my mind, my rights

 

I can smell the fragrance of anger from his breath

Cold like steel

Reminding me to hold still

I can see the grin on his face,

His hands touch my hips

“Baby it’s okay”

He beats crack marks on my body, and assumed that gluing it together with his semen would work

He penetrated and stripped me

He penetrated my mind, my rights

 

I can hear the missing breaths in my voice every time I build the courage to speak

So hearing a woman not flinch, not cry when speaking of the horror

Makes my spine curl and tuck my head into my stomach

Because I don’t have her courage, or the heart to accept that he will NEVER understand how I feel

To have someone deny you of a right

 

He penetrated and stripped me

He penetrated my mind,

My rights,

To say NO

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